10 Essential Etiquette Tips

1. It’s not polite to stare. It’s especially not polite if you get an erection while staring.

2. Always say “please” and “thank you” and “I didn’t pee on that tree, I swear!”

3. When picking your nose in public, be sure to ask the person standing next to you if he or she would like a taste.

4. Never eat with your mouth open, just let the food fall to your lap when it presses against your closed lips.

5. If you must flatulate during dinner, excuse yourself from the table and release your gas onto the nearest small mammal’s face.

6. Do not interrupt someone while he or she is speaking. In fact, never speak again in order to spare yourself the embarrassment.

7. Keep your elbows off the table, and your bottom off the chair.

8. Use the smaller fork for salad and the larger fork for scratching your genitals.

9. When you’ve finished your meal, smash your dinner plate on the ground and accuse your spouse of cheating on you.

10.  When in doubt, penis out (it helps break the tension).

House of Anubis Returns for a Redundant New Chapter

Season 3 promises just as much recycled storytelling, plot holes, and bad acting as ever before!

Sibuna!

   It's back! It's back! It's back! America's favorite terrible teen show is back for a third season and I couldn't be more excited! When the theme music started I couldn't help but have a big smile on my face. "House of Anubis: The Reawakening" began tonight and there were a lot of questions fans have had to deal with over the 10 month (!) hiatus. Season 2 ended in a way that tied up a lot of loose ends, but behind the scenes drama is what had fans wondering what lies ahead for the show. The "actress" who plays Nina has decided not to return to the series. Her integral role as 'The Chosen One' had me wondering how they'd explain her absence. The answer? They didn't. At least not yet.
  The key mystery in the premiere wisely revolves around Nina. This is a great way to play with the fragile, preteen audience's psyches. Honestly, if they had answered where she was in the first 5 minutes, I might have just tuned out. But the story plays across the entire hour, featuring a very suspenseful scene in the first 10 minutes where Headmaster Sweet and a grief-stricken looking Trudy enter to make an announcement. Readers, I was afraid Nina would be dead. But instead, Mr. Sweet announces Nina won't be returning to school...and says nothing else. There's an air of secrecy around this announcement and Fabian seems the only one concerned about Nina's whereabouts. Amber seems mildly concerned at first, but the next day is her birthday and this subplot consumes all of her attention. Amber being more concerned about birthday presents than her best friend is either an in character choice or some terrible writing. You decide.

New Year, New Me!!!!

An Email From Your Stupid Friend Sally

OMFG, its already new years! can u believe it! omg where does the time go? it feels like it was just xmas last week! LOL

so now that its new years i decided its time 4 me to fully embrace my full potential and becum a person who strives to attain her goals and aspirations. i am a strong and intelligent and beutiful and no 1 can tell me that i cant make my dreams come tru! all my dreams are stars and im gonna reach up and take them!!! female power ladies!!!!

i think the most important thing is to find a boyfriend who will treat me right and buy me things and has nice abs. heheheh its not like im shallow but if ur gonna date me you gotta be hotttt!!! ;) LOL jk but really tho this is serious. i need some1 who will cuddle me and be my whole wide world. i wanna be able to post pics of us on fb and hav every1 be like 'omg sally ur boyfriend is so hotttt' and 'you guys r totes perf' and ill be like 'yea im sooooooooooooooooo luckyyyyyyyy.' and i wanna like tweet song lyrics that apply to our relationship because our love will be reeeaaalllyyy deep and the only way to express it is thru song lyrics <3

You Better Watch Out

        

    While the children are snug in their beds, St. Nick slips in through the chimney and eats some milk and cookies. He places the presents under the tree and goes on his merry way. That’s if you're good. If you’re naughty, and live in the Alpine countries, a far darker fate awaits you. Instead of getting coal, Alpine children are tortured by a demonic creature with cloven hooves and fur until they repent for their sins. If they’re really bad, no amount of repentance can save them. They’re dragged to hell in the beast’s sack and are devoured as its Christmas dinner.

    This creature is known as the Krampus and in Eastern Europe he and Santa travel around together on Christmas going from home to home. It’s the classic good cop/bad cop duo. While most Americans would be shocked to know that Santa (who was originally a bishop) would keep such company, the Krampus actually predates the birth of Christ. Like a lot of aspects of our modern Christmas celebration, the Krampus has his roots in Pagan traditions.

How to Cook Thanksgiving Dinner for One

       

      Hey there! Looks like you’ve had a rough year, huh? I’m not being presumptuous but you are all alone on Thanksgiving. Obviously something’s gone wrong. Anyway, I’m here to help! I’m gonna teach you how to cook Thanksgiving dinner for one in a few easy steps. Let’s get started!

Happy Thanksgiving Kids!

     Hi family, time to get excited! I’m about to cook Thanksgiving dinner! Yes, I know it’s only been a week since the doctor let me out of the hospital, but I think I’m ready to start taking on new challenges and I’m gonna start by cooking us a lovely meal!

     Since I’m not allowed near sharp objects, we can’t have turkey. Sorry kids, but ol’ dad isn’t legally able to use knives so unless you wanna eat the meat directly off the turkey, there’ll be no turkey. This means there’ll also be no stuffing. We can’t go out to eat because daddy isn’t allowed to leave the house for the next six months.

      Why the long faces everyone? Cheer up! I know it’s gonna be hard, but this family has been through MUCH worse. Remember that time I killed Fluffy and put his body parts in each of your beds? That was a dark chapter in our family’s history, and we’ve moved past it. Look how happy we are now!

Times Square on Election Night

  

   “I don’t know if I’m the best person to talk to,” he said.

   “Why?” I asked.  

   “I have multiple personalities. You’d have to talk to all of us.”

   “Oh. Did you vote today?”

   “Yeah. Five times.”

     This was the first person that agreed to let me interview him in Times Square on election night. As I first approached the huge monitors showing election coverage, I figured it’d be like shooting fish in a barrel. There were hundreds of people anxiously awaiting the results of the presidential race but apparently only the crazy ones would talk to an undergrad journalist with a radio mic.