FAKE NEWS: Child Receives No Christmas Presents, Family Sues Santa

    On Sunday morning, millions of children awoke to find presents from Santa Claus piled high beneath their Christmas trees. But for 11-year-old Billy Prescott, the only thing beneath his tree was the floor of his family home in Faketown, Connecticut.

     “I don’t understand,” said Prescott “I was good all year. I was sure Santa would come.”

     The boy’s parents, Roger and Helen Prescott, were equally baffled. “I helped Billy make cookies for Santa this year and everything,” said Mrs. Prescott “We had fully prepared for Mr. Claus’ arrival.”

     “Look, something is wrong here,” said Mr. Prescott, “Billy is 11 years old and this is the only year that Santa hasn’t come. Something needs to be done about this.”

Fake News: INDEPENDENT ENTREPRENEUR DRAWS CROWD FOR BLACK FRIDAY SALE

      Shoppers were lined up outside the 34th Street Macy’s this Black Friday in the hopes of scoring some good deals. But these shoppers weren’t lined up for the sale inside; they were more interested in what was going on in the back alley.

     An unnamed entrepreneur set up his own sale in the dark alleyway behind Macy’s promising to give shoppers what they really wanted. Amongst the items for sale were dead rats, used napkins, broken flip-flops, half-eaten yogurt containers, and even old cushions from a stained couch. While these very same items might be on sale in any other department store, the man outside Macy’s was offering them at prices that shoppers couldn’t refuse.

Fake News: Historians Say Pilgrims and Indians Were Actually Besties

     As Thanksgiving approaches, more and more Americans question the friendly nature of the first Thanksgiving. According to a new study from the University of College, scholars have determined that the Pilgrims at Plymouth and the Native Americans who inhabited the land were in fact totes besties.

     John Wilcomb, who founded University of College for the sole purpose of this study, was aided by copious amounts of funding from the Butterball poultry company.