Shoppers were lined up outside the 34th Street Macy’s this Black Friday in the hopes of scoring some good deals. But these shoppers weren’t lined up for the sale inside; they were more interested in what was going on in the back alley.
An unnamed entrepreneur set up his own sale in the dark alleyway behind Macy’s promising to give shoppers what they really wanted. Amongst the items for sale were dead rats, used napkins, broken flip-flops, half-eaten yogurt containers, and even old cushions from a stained couch. While these very same items might be on sale in any other department store, the man outside Macy’s was offering them at prices that shoppers couldn’t refuse.
“I couldn’t believe it, he was practically giving it all away!” said Susan Johnson, a Long Island suburban mother of four. “I got a crushed can of beans for a nickel. A nickel! What a deal!”
At its longest, the line to shop at this unique sale spanned three blocks. Shoppers have long been looking for ways to stretch their holiday budgets, and now it looks like their search is over.
Peggy Watson of New Jersey found that the man’s deals could not be beat. “I know a lot of stores have sales today, but on my budget I still can’t afford them. In the alley behind Macy’s I was able to buy all my Christmas presents for under $5.”
Not only can shoppers cross everything off their list without breaking their budgets, but they will also be treated to a unique shopping experience.
“It’s so rare to see an outdoor store,” said Watson, “It smelled like urine, but it was still worth it.”
The mysterious man behind all of this was described as a rather eccentric character. Shoppers reported that the man was dressed as if he was homeless and made loud screaming noises if approached from behind.
Michael Decker, a one-man band from Williamsburg, praised the man for his originality. “I think it’s great what this guy is doing. He’s sending a message to corporate America. He’s not just some commercialized robot like the rest of the stores around here; he has a real soul.”
In addition to the unique experience, shoppers will find items not available anywhere else. “He was making tin foil hats,” Decker added, “It’s hard to find places that still make handcrafted gifts. It’s really refreshing.”
But this man was not alone in his holiday start-up project. He was joined by his two sales associates, neither of whom could be reached for comment.
Shoppers described the first associate, referred to by the entrepreneur as Mr. Whiskers, as a large rabies-infested raccoon. The second associate had no name and was described as a dead pigeon.
“Mr. Whiskers really has a way with children,” said Johnson, “He kept my four kids occupied while I shopped. It was like having a built in daycare system and my kids can’t stop talking about how many times Mr. Whiskers bit them.”
Even with his attention-seeking associates, the entrepreneur was still the highlight of the experience for anyone who visited his store on Friday.
“He was hilarious,” said an enthusiastic shopper, “He kept trying to stab me. What a joker!”
But even with all the merriment, there are some people who are not willing to partake in the holiday spirit of capitalism.
Father Roger Terse, a priest at a local Church, scolded shoppers for visiting the man. “This delusional homeless man is not running a store, he needs help. Everyone needs to stop rifling through his garbage and give him a hot meal. Isn’t that what Christmas is really about?”
Despite this pessimistic Christmas Grinch, shoppers continued to line up for the sale well into Friday night until a volunteer from the homeless shelter came and took the entrepreneur away.
Becky Holdman, a Manhattan resident, was upset by this news, “It isn’t fair. I didn’t even get to go once. How could someone just take him away? Some people are so selfish.”
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