How to Cook Thanksgiving Dinner for One

       

      Hey there! Looks like you’ve had a rough year, huh? I’m not being presumptuous but you are all alone on Thanksgiving. Obviously something’s gone wrong. Anyway, I’m here to help! I’m gonna teach you how to cook Thanksgiving dinner for one in a few easy steps. Let’s get started!

1. Make sure you’re not forgetting anyone who could possibly invite you over for dinner. Family? Some friends? If so, call them and spend Thanksgiving in the company of other human beings, skip all the other steps.

2. Do you really have no one? Repeat step one, but think harder. Distant relatives? An old college roommate? Your boss? Please think of someone, your life must be so sad.

3.  Since you’ve made it to this step you obviously have no one. Take a minute to ask yourself why this is.

4. Wipe away your tears; it’s time to cook! A turkey is way too much food for one person, so your Thanksgiving meal won’t be like the traditional one you grew up with. It’s probably for the best. A traditional meal will only make you think of happier times in your life, when you weren’t so alone.

5.  How about that box of mac and cheese that’s been sitting in your pantry for a few years? Sounds yummy! Let’s take that out of the pantry and we can jazz it up a bit with some spices!

6. Ok, the thought of eating an old box of mac and cheese alone on Thanksgiving in your one bedroom apartment is so depressing you might as well open up a bottle of wine. Have a glass.

7. Drink another glass of wine.

8. Finish the bottle.

9. Feel better? No? Oh. Well, you still need to eat, so let’s pop open that box of mac and cheese!

10. No. Don’t eat the mac and cheese. It’s too depressing.

11. Open another bottle of wine and drink it while questioning every decision in your life that has led you to this point.

12. Call up the pizza place down the street. When the phone keeps ringing, realize they’re closed. Cry because you know that talking to the delivery guy would have been your only human interaction for the day.

13. Eat an entire box of mini donuts. For desert, eat strawberry jam directly out of the jar. Wash it down with the wine.

14. Fall asleep on the couch.

       See, wasn’t that quick and easy? Hope you had a Happy Thanksgiving! Maybe you’ll be able to spend Christmas with other people. If not, I have a neat recipe for Christmas dinner. All you do is take a bunch of painkillers and lie down on the bed. Doesn’t that sound cozy?