New Year, New Me!!!!

An Email From Your Stupid Friend Sally

OMFG, its already new years! can u believe it! omg where does the time go? it feels like it was just xmas last week! LOL

so now that its new years i decided its time 4 me to fully embrace my full potential and becum a person who strives to attain her goals and aspirations. i am a strong and intelligent and beutiful and no 1 can tell me that i cant make my dreams come tru! all my dreams are stars and im gonna reach up and take them!!! female power ladies!!!!

i think the most important thing is to find a boyfriend who will treat me right and buy me things and has nice abs. heheheh its not like im shallow but if ur gonna date me you gotta be hotttt!!! ;) LOL jk but really tho this is serious. i need some1 who will cuddle me and be my whole wide world. i wanna be able to post pics of us on fb and hav every1 be like 'omg sally ur boyfriend is so hotttt' and 'you guys r totes perf' and ill be like 'yea im sooooooooooooooooo luckyyyyyyyy.' and i wanna like tweet song lyrics that apply to our relationship because our love will be reeeaaalllyyy deep and the only way to express it is thru song lyrics <3

You Better Watch Out

        

    While the children are snug in their beds, St. Nick slips in through the chimney and eats some milk and cookies. He places the presents under the tree and goes on his merry way. That’s if you're good. If you’re naughty, and live in the Alpine countries, a far darker fate awaits you. Instead of getting coal, Alpine children are tortured by a demonic creature with cloven hooves and fur until they repent for their sins. If they’re really bad, no amount of repentance can save them. They’re dragged to hell in the beast’s sack and are devoured as its Christmas dinner.

    This creature is known as the Krampus and in Eastern Europe he and Santa travel around together on Christmas going from home to home. It’s the classic good cop/bad cop duo. While most Americans would be shocked to know that Santa (who was originally a bishop) would keep such company, the Krampus actually predates the birth of Christ. Like a lot of aspects of our modern Christmas celebration, the Krampus has his roots in Pagan traditions.

How to Cook Thanksgiving Dinner for One

       

      Hey there! Looks like you’ve had a rough year, huh? I’m not being presumptuous but you are all alone on Thanksgiving. Obviously something’s gone wrong. Anyway, I’m here to help! I’m gonna teach you how to cook Thanksgiving dinner for one in a few easy steps. Let’s get started!

Happy Thanksgiving Kids!

     Hi family, time to get excited! I’m about to cook Thanksgiving dinner! Yes, I know it’s only been a week since the doctor let me out of the hospital, but I think I’m ready to start taking on new challenges and I’m gonna start by cooking us a lovely meal!

     Since I’m not allowed near sharp objects, we can’t have turkey. Sorry kids, but ol’ dad isn’t legally able to use knives so unless you wanna eat the meat directly off the turkey, there’ll be no turkey. This means there’ll also be no stuffing. We can’t go out to eat because daddy isn’t allowed to leave the house for the next six months.

      Why the long faces everyone? Cheer up! I know it’s gonna be hard, but this family has been through MUCH worse. Remember that time I killed Fluffy and put his body parts in each of your beds? That was a dark chapter in our family’s history, and we’ve moved past it. Look how happy we are now!

Times Square on Election Night

  

   “I don’t know if I’m the best person to talk to,” he said.

   “Why?” I asked.  

   “I have multiple personalities. You’d have to talk to all of us.”

   “Oh. Did you vote today?”

   “Yeah. Five times.”

     This was the first person that agreed to let me interview him in Times Square on election night. As I first approached the huge monitors showing election coverage, I figured it’d be like shooting fish in a barrel. There were hundreds of people anxiously awaiting the results of the presidential race but apparently only the crazy ones would talk to an undergrad journalist with a radio mic.

So Predictable

     

      The Psychic of the Village sat on a plush red chair inside her shop on 6^th Avenue right off Houston St. She was wearing a purple tracksuit and chewed gum as she stared at her iPhone. On the small table next to her were a stack of tarot cards and some candles. She was going to tell me my future. Not my whole future. That would require a $75 tarot card reading. Instead I opted for the $10 face reading. She would tell me all about myself just by looking at my face.

       She looked at me and told me I will live a long and happy life. That’s a relief. I will have a successful career and my work will involve people. That’s so vague, how could it not be true? And there was more good news: I have many admirers.  One in particular stood out to her. There was an age gap between the mystery admirer and me. I asked if the admirer was older or younger. The Psychic of the Village told me it could be either one, she wasn’t sure. Nobody’s perfect.

Little House of Horrors

Curious Expeditions, Flickr

If I’ve learned anything from the mystery solving teens on Scooby-Doo, it’s that ghosts are nothing more than profit hungry realtors wearing sheets over their heads. With this in mind, I was skeptical that Manhattan’s most haunted house was actually haunted. For years, staff and visitors at the Merchant’s House Museum on East 4^th St have claimed to have supernatural encounters. They say they can’t explain the phenomena, but they believe that something other than antique furniture lurks through its corridors.