I’m
going through a serious “House of Anubis” withdrawal right now. For those of
you who do not know what “House of Anubis” is, and I don’t expect that many of
you do, I suggest you Google it. Since January, I’ve had to explain “House of
Anubis” to many people and my reason for watching it, and I’ve grown tired of
doing this so I will keep the explanations brief. It’s a Nickelodeon soap opera
centering on a group of high school aged students in an English boarding school
who solve ancient Egyptian mysteries inside of the house they live in. So
that’s what it is and the reason I watched it is because Stephanie Chan made me
and everyone always does what she tells them to do.
My sense of withdrawal has nothing
to do with the quality of the show. Let me make this perfectly clear: it is
awful. It is low budget, the characters are two-dimensional, the acting is
embarrassingly bad, it has glaring plot holes, and none of it is as charming or
as clever as it wants to be. The “Egyptian” mythology the show bases itself
around never goes any deeper than what one can learn from a Wikipedia article and the mystery cliches are topped off with a revolving bookshelf. Yet
there is something about it, other than Stephanie Chan, which kept me watching every
weekday for 8 weeks.
It was probably Corbiere, the
stuffed raven who belongs to Victor, Anubis House’s caretaker. Corbiere is
Victor’s best friend and on occasion Victor will talk to Corbiere. This should
give you a good idea of what type of show this is.
But as charming as a taxidermy
raven is, I don’t think that’s the reason I endured 80 fifteen-minute episodes
over 8 weeks. I liked watching the show struggle through its various plot lines
day to day, with the writers never sure of what to do with certain characters
or dangling storylines. Some things would be quickly dismissed, and new plots
would come out of nowhere. Sometimes, an entire stretch of episodes would be
revealed to be a dream and the pre-dream status quo would be restored.
The main story of the season focused on the students’ quest to retrieve the Mask of Anubis from the house’s tunnels. The students on the quest are part of a secret group called Sibuna (that’s “Anubis” spelled backwards; so clever, right?), which consists of Nina (the American), Fabian (Nina’s love interest), Amber (the dumb blonde), Patricia (the bad girl), and Alfie (the um...well, he’s the black one). They are all marked by an evil Egyptian lady ghost who comes into the show about every other episode to angrily remind the Sibunas, and the viewers, that there was a reason for all this traveling back and forth from the tunnels. That reason was never fully clear, but basically Nina is the Chosen One and it is important for her to get the Mask in order to save her friends. As the Sibunas make their way through the tunnels, they must perform different tasks in order to advance farther. The Sibunas completed a new task each week. The tasks (walking over a crevasse, playing a life-sized Senet game, or crawling through a tunnel) were rather simple considering the amount of time spent on them.
Each time the students were faced
with a new task in the tunnels, the Sibunas would quickly turn around and
decide they needed to “practice.” Practicing allowed for tons of filler and
gave the Sibunas a chance to interact with the other students, thus allowing
the show to explore the necessary clichéd teenage angst drama that other shows
have done better versions of before. Joy tries to keep Fabian and Nina apart!
Fabian kissed Joy at the Masquerade Ball because he thought she was Nina! And
Nina saw! A new bad boy moves into the house and he and Patricia start
fighting! But then they like each other! Patricia’s twin comes to town and
Alfie falls for the twin thinking she’s Patricia! But it isn’t Patricia! It’s
her twin! Jerome’s dad is in prison! He and Maura start to like each other! But
she’s in a relationship with Mick! But he’s in Australia!
All of this in addition to the drama
with the “adults.” Victor, like the Sibunas, also wants the Mask of Anubis. But
for evil purposes! A new housemother, Veera, moves in. But she’s not who she
says she is! Victor and Veera team up to get the Mask. But she’s working for a
mysteriously hooded figure called “The Collector”! The Collector kidnaps Trudy!
Trudy gets amnesia! The Collector is revealed to be a season 1 character (this
is insignificant to me because I didn’t watch the first season). The Collector
kidnaps Jerome! Then Eddie! Oh no!
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Needless to say, the show was
unbearably predictable. The larger strokes of the season played out exactly as
I thought they would. However, on an episode-to-episode basis the show had the
ability to surprise. A certain hint or two would be dropped that pointed to a
change in the status quo, or a game changing cliffhanger would be thrown in at
the end of the week suggesting that things were finally about to heat up. But
on a show where the characters literally say, “The stakes are so high right
now!” this was rarely the case. The show stuck to what it knew and played it
safe, but all season long that didn’t stop me from thinking things could take a
turn for the interesting. For example, about halfway through the season, it was
hinted that Amber (the ditzy blonde) might actually be working for the bad
guys. This would’ve been a risky move for the show and I would’ve had a lot
more respect for the show if they actually went through with it. Of course they
didn’t, and it was just one of many red herrings spread throughout the
season.
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Throughout its sophomore
season, “House of Anubis” made me exasperated, surprised, angry, bored, and
disappointed. I became passionate in my hatred of Joy (ugh, Joy!). I yelled at
the TV, I gasped, and once or twice I clapped in approval. Whether the show was
making me mad at how bad it was, or making me see a glimmer of potential, I
still found it entertaining in a way it’s entertaining to watch a baby try to
walk. You know the chances it will succeed are slim, but you hold in there for
the slight possibility that it might. That being said, I look forward to 10
months from now when I can sit in front of the TV with Steph, Matt, and Ryan at
7PM on weekday nights to watch “House of Anubis” try once again to get off its
feet and take a few steps. Will it fail? Probably, but at least we have
Corbiere’s music career to look forward to.
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