Sex with Chris Williams

    Tonight is your lucky night. You’re about to have sex with Chris Williams. Let’s make our way into the boudoir, shall we? It’s much more comfortable in there. Take a seat by the fireplace and unbutton your shirt while I put on a little mood music. The Scooby-Doo 2 Monsters Unleashed soundtrack should do it. Enjoy the movements of my body as I slowly stroll towards you. I remove my glasses and bite the end of them, thus impressing you with my oral abilities. I give you my bedroom eyes. Don’t fight it, you know you want me, but I’m gonna make you work for it. Some wine might be nice, don’t you agree? Let me just...Oh God! Are you ok? I’ve never been good at opening these bottles, but I’ve never had the cork hit someone in the face before. Shit, you’re bleeding a little. You’re sure you’re ok? Fine then, now it’s time for me to...What? No, I will not turn off the Scooby-Doo soundtrack. You’re ruining the mood, just shut up already. Now it is time for me to caress your face. Will you please stop squirming? Yes, I know my hands are cold, but try not to think about it. What? My hands are not crusty; I use special skin therapy lotion. It comes highly recommended by the local nursing home. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you weren’t into this. Ok, ok, let’s just get this over with. I will now remove my clothing... Seriously, again with the flinching? What is it this time? Yes, I have pale skin. It is not unusually pale. Why don’t you just shut up already? Ow! There’s no need to slap me! I told you I don’t like it rough. Wait, what are you doing? Why are you putting your shirt back on? Don’t leave! You know what, I take that back. Leave! You don’t deserve me anyway. You just missed out on the best night of your life. You just denied yourself sex with Chris Williams.