I’m Mike Fletcher, alter ego of
Chris Williams and the most important thing to know about me is that I’m much
cooler than him. I’m a film major at NYU entering my junior year. I have a fake
ID and I hang out at cool bars in Williamsburg with all my hipster friends. One
of them is in a band. Another one is a performing artist. Sometimes we do
gateway drugs together.
I have sex all the time and I can totally pull
off wearing a leather jacket. I’m great in social settings and I never make
inappropriate jokes about the Holocaust when first meeting someone. I have
perfect vision and I don’t need glasses. I can wear non-prescription sunglasses
like normal people and my facial hair grows in evenly.
I grew up on a 4,000-acre pony farm.
When I was 12, I set up a detective agency with some newspaper-selling orphans
and we solved mysteries from our tree house headquarters. At school, everyone
knew my name and no one referred to me as “the one with the glasses.” I ran for
student council and people voted for me and I never felt insecure.
My family also owns
an ice cream factory. I ate ice cream all the time, but I was never fat. I work out at a gym and I know how to use all the equipment. Since I’m
physically fit and good-looking, other people are sexually attracted to me. I
don’t like sports, but I know enough about them to carry a conversation. I even know
the names of some players.
I’ve never felt any anxiety about my future or where I’ll wind up in 5 years. I
guess this sense of security stems from the fact that I’m a brilliant writer. I’ve completed 3 screenplays, a collection of
short stories, and there’s some interest in producing a pilot I wrote. Writing’s
so easy; I can sit at my laptop and write a brilliant indie comedy about a high
school track star in under an hour.
Recently, NASA approached
me about being the first space detective, which would fulfill my childhood
dream of being a crime-fighting astronaut. My deputy would be Steve Buscemi,
who is also my best friend.
Please read "The Anansi Boys" by Neil Gaiman. You will be rolling! Oh, and it's about exactly this.
ReplyDeleteP.S. You are way more like Mike than you think!