Let's Hang Out

       
      Hello, your body looks nice in those clothes. Mind if I come closer to get a whiff of your hair? No? Ok, I’ll smell it later. Who am I? I’m Chris. We have English together and we had Spanish together. Don’t you remember me? Really? You don’t? We’ve talked several times. That’s weird that you don’t remember me. I’ve lent you three pens. And you still haven’t given them back.

       I added you over two months ago on Facebook and you still haven’t accepted my friend request. I’ve been checking every ten minutes to see if you’ve accepted me, but you haven’t. Your privacy settings are really secure and I can’t see any pictures from when you went to Cabo over spring break. I bet you wore a bikini.
      So what are you up to this weekend? You’re busy? Really? I feel like you’re lying to me. You looked away when you said you were busy. Do you not want to hang out with me? Is that why you lied? Why are you such a liar? I was going to ask if you wanted to hang out on Saturday. I can paint a portrait of you and then I can sing all 38 songs I wrote about you. We’ll talk about what it’ll be like once we’re married and I’ll tell you all my deepest, darkest secrets. You can meet my hamster, who I named after you. Or we could play Twister. Your call. Hey, can you stop texting and look at me in the eyes?

       No, there’s nothing wrong with my back. I’m just hunched over because I have an erection and I don’t want you to see it because that would be embarrassing. So whattaya say? Saturday night? My place? You bring the Sunny D? Maybe we could do sex on each other. I’ve seen pornography before, so I know how it works. No? I’ve been really sad lately, please come. I’m so lonely. Please. I need this. Please come. Here, take these cookies I baked for you.